Life & Relationship Coaching Blog - Personal Advocates

The Winter Blues

1/24/2017

As a Life Coach in Minneapolis, my busiest time of year is mid-January to mid-March. It's a time when people either have the post-holiday doldrums or suffer from the winter blues and it makes them miserable.

For many, the period after the holidays is difficult. After several weeks of celebration, activity, love and human connection, we return to our lives which can seem very mundane and lonely. We miss the excitement and face several months with less stimulation.

The winter blues can be just as difficult, especially for those of us who live in colder climates. The days are much shorter, there's less sunlight, it's cold, and everything is in shades of gray. Worst of all, in Minnesota, we have another three months until spring.

If you are suffering from either one of these afflictions, there are a few things you can do to break out of the blues and change your mood:
   - Get more sleep
   - Give yourself something to look forward to
   - Get more fresh air
   - Exercise more
   - Connect with friends and family
   - Do something you've always wanted to do
   - Don't isolate

The key to beating the winter blues is to break out of your routine while taking better care of your body. Changing your routine will energize your mind and emotions by giving you something to get excited about. Taking better care of your body will give you the energy to get out of your chair and actually do something. There is a strong connection between physical and emotional well-being. When we feel good physically, it's much easier to feel good emotionally.

Finally, if your Blues last longer than a couple weeks or lead to thoughts of despair, it could be a sign of depression that requires more extensive treatment. If you think you may be suffering from depression, see your doctor to discuss it.

Remember, winter may be long and dark, but spring will eventually come.

Why Resolutions Fail

1/2/2017

The New Year is upon us and with it comes the traditional spate of New Year's resolutions. Unfortunately, the majority of these resolutions will fall by the wayside in the first month or two and the goal will never be reached. In fact, of the 60% of Americans who make resolutions, only 8%-10% actually see them through to completion.

Why do resolutions fail? Many factors can impact success rates, but most failures can be attributed to a few simple reasons:

Unrealistic Goals - When making resolutions, set a goal that is achievable. "I'm going to lose 100 pounds by July 4th" or "I'm going to work out every day this year" are similar to saying "I'm going to win the lottery this year" - they are just not realistic. The odds of losing 100 pounds in six months or not missing a workout for 365 days are similar to winning the lottery; possible but not probable.

Lack of Commitment - Often people are very quick to set a goal, but are unwilling to do the work necessary to achieve it. Most resolutions require a change of behavior and that change is not easy to accomplish. Old habits must be broken and new habits established. To be successful, the individual must be fully committed to making the change and willing to put in the time to do it.

All or Nothing Thinking - Most people tend to think of success and failure as the only options. Then, when their progress is not a linear progression, they decide they have failed and give up. For example, someone might resolve to lose 25 pounds. Things start well and they lose a few pounds each week. But then comes the week they gain back a pound they lost and suddenly they have failed. So they quit trying instead of accepting a bad week and continuing to work toward their goal. Remember, every effort will have setbacks, so don't give up when things don't go as planned.

No Support Network - Achieving goals is never easy and most people encounter days when they struggle to do what's necessary to be successful. Those are the days they need a support system to help them keep going. In most cases, that support is a friend or coach to help encourage or motivate them, a progress checkpoint to demonstrate how far they have come, or expert advice to help them overcome challenges.

How can you avoid these pitfalls and achieve your New Year's resolution goal? Here are a few tips to help you achieve success:

Set Intermediate Goals - Rather than focusing on your end goal, set a series of intermediate goals on your way to the final outcome. Achieving these shorter-term goals will help you stay motivated and help you see your progress toward your final objective.

Create a Detailed Plan - Once you have identified a realistic goal, create a series of small, achievable steps to get you there. If possible, add dates to make sure you are on track to reach your goal. Then, work to complete each step and check it off the list. You will be amazed at how seeing your progress will keep you motivated.

Give Yourself a Break - Nobody's perfect and your path to success will probably have a few bumps along the way. You may not achieve your weekly goal or complete a step on time. It's OK, things happen and sometimes you will backslide a little. Give yourself a break and keep moving forward. You can still achieve your goal as long as you remain committed to it.

Ask For Help - Everybody needs help from time to time, so build a support network of people you can call on when you get discouraged. Then use their support. It will not only keep you moving toward your goal, but it will make them feel good to share in your challenges and successes.

Celebrate Your Progress - What you are trying to achieve is not easy and sometimes it will be very hard. Celebrate your successes along the way to your goal. Regardless of whether you achieve your ultimate goal, you are trying and making progress. That's more than 90% of the population can say.

Achieving personal goals is challenging, but if you make a detailed plan and work at it, your chances of success are much higher. Hang in there and if at first you don't succeed, try again. Any worthwhile goal is worth the effort.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/22/2016

Day 11 - Find Quiet Time

For most people, the holidays are Go, Go, Go. Rush to get ready, travel somewhere, spend time with family and friends, and then return home so you can go back to work and rush to get caught up again. No wonder we get stressed out. It's exhausting just typing it.

This year, I'm going to find some quiet time just for me. A walk in the woods or on the beach, sitting by the fire, reading a book, snuggling with someone special, or just staring off into space for a while. Me time, where I have no responsibilities or purpose. Just letting my brain idle and see where it leads.

I know … yoga, prayer, or meditation would probably provide more insight, but it seems like too much work. I'm not trying to improve myself, I'm just trying to relax. And I can't think of a better way to do that than simply letting the world take care of itself while I check out for an hour.

Let life happen without you for a few minutes and you will be amazed at how the stress melts away.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/21/2016

Day 10 - Take Care of Yourself

The holidays can be both physically and emotionally exhausting, leaving us vulnerable to illness or the post-holiday blues. However, taking a few simple measures can help you stay health and energized while reducing stress during the holiday season.

Get Enough Sleep - Adults need 7-8 hours of sleep every night, but during the holidays, we tend to stay up later and not get enough rest. If you are short of sleep, stay in bed a little later in the morning or find time for a nap. It will help keep your energy up and avoid fatigue.

Get Enough Exercise - Try to maintain your normal exercise routine. If you can't, take a walk, go for a swim or find time for a quick run. It will keep your blood flowing and burn a few of those extra calories.

Watch Your Sugar Intake - It's easy to over-indulge in sugar and empty carbs during the holiday season. Remember, everything in moderation. Enjoy a cookie, but don't eat the whole plate. Don't sit next to the candy dish. Sample sweets but don't make a meal of them. Avoid between meal snacking. You will avoid blood-sugar spikes and reduce your need for a post-holiday diet.

Drink in Moderation - Don't confuse the holiday spirit with holiday spirits. Excessive amounts of alcohol cause dehydration and disrupt sleep. Hangovers are your body's way of saying "stop that." Celebrate the holiday's but don't overdo it.

Stay Hydrated - Soft drinks, wine, eggnog, beer, liquor - none of these things are water. Drink plenty of water, especially if you are in the sun or where it's very cold.

Rest When You Get Tired - Shopping, cooking travelling and spending time with family and friends can be both physically and emotionally tiring. When you get tired, stop and catch your breath. Take a time out from whatever you are doing and sit down for a few minutes. Take a brief nap. Find a quiet place to sit and contemplate. Don't worry, the celebration will still be going on when you return.

The holiday's are a wonderful time of year, but it's important to take care of our physical and emotional selves. Pace yourself so you increase your enjoyment while avoiding feeling exhausted when they are over.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/20/2016

Day 9 - Avoid Traditional Roles

When families get together for the holidays, it's easy to fall into traditional roles that are not constructive. I'm not talking about who does the cooking or who gives the blessing, I'm talking about roles in the family dynamic that have developed over the years. You know, roles like The Organizer, The Complainer, The Cynic, The Negotiator, The Caretaker and The Quiet One. Although the names and behaviors may be different, most families have them and when they gather, everyone assumes their customary role.

The danger of these traditional roles is that they can perpetuate family dysfunction and reinforce painful memories for some family members. The result is usually tension and stress, and in some cases, continued arguments and bad feelings that could have been resolved years before. As a result, the family is stuck in old patterns of behavior that can ruin their holiday celebration.

If your family gatherings follow familiar progressions that end in unhappiness, consider the role you play. Often the end of the story can be changed by one person deciding their traditional behavior no longer serves them and making a decision to be their authentic self.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/19/2016

Day 8 - Share the Spirit

The last week before Christmas is the most stressful time for many people. The week is filled with last-minute shopping, grocery shopping, cooking, meeting friends, and all the other holiday details that take more time than you have. Everywhere you go, you encounter long lines, grumpy sales associates, terrible drivers and stressed-out people.
My strategy for dealing with this week is very simple … I just smile at everyone I meet.

I'm sure you are thinking, " Really? This is the best you can offer, Mr. Certified Life Coach?"

As a matter of fact, it is. I am continually amazed by the power of a smile. That grumpy clerk is suddenly nice to me. That harried shopper let's me in line in front of them. The crabby drivers give me more room. More amazingly, they start smiling as well. And the people they smile at smile back. Soon, most of the people around me are smiling.

The more I smile during the holidays, the better I feel. It completely changes my experience. I'm less stressed and everything seems to fall into place. I enjoy the holiday sights, sounds, and even the shopping.

If you don't believe me, try the smile experiment. Smile at the people around you and see how they respond. Smiles are contagious and you'll feel good about sharing the blessing.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/16/2016

Day 7 - Know Your Limits

The holidays are a time of celebration when we socialize, attend parties, and spend time with family and friends, however they are also a time when many people overindulge. Food, shopping, alcohol, and sugar are just a few areas where it is easy to overdo it.

Remember, everything in moderation. Don't be the person who drinks too much at the office party or gets a DWI on New Year's Eve. Avoid running up your credit cards. Have patience when driving or shopping. Be kind to people and accepting of family and friends, regardless of the situation. Mind your words and deeds.

This year, make sure you are making happy holiday memories and not memorable disasters after overindulging. Regrettable actions are very stressful and can ruin the holidays for you and your family. Know your limits and have a happy holiday.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/15/2016

Day 6 - Give to Others

For most people, the holiday season is filled with blessings; gifts, food, family, warmth and shelter. But for some, the season is simply a reminder of everything they don't have. People where you live are struggling with poverty, addiction, mental illness, chronic unemployment and homelessness. They didn't chose their situation, it's the cards they were dealt.

While many people are stressed attempting to create their vision of a beautiful holiday, these unfortunate people are struggling to obtain the basic requirements we take for granted - food, shelter, clothing and a job that pays a living wage. Of course, we don't want to see them or believe they are people just like us. So we turn away and worry about our holiday feast.

I'm not trying to guilt you, just trying to put your holiday stress in perspective.

You can help these people in need. Donate time or money to a support network - food shelves, shelters, Toys for Tots, the Salvation Army, or any other charity that helps those in need. Not only will it help people in need, but it will help you remain grateful for all your blessings.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/14/2016

Day 5 - Forgiveness

The holidays are a time to share love and happiness with our friends and family. It is also a time to reconnect with people we haven't seen for a while. Sharing our love is one of the greatest joys of the holiday season.

The holidays are also a time to forgive those who have wronged us or given us reason to pull away from them. Sometimes these separations are caused by major incidents, but often they are over minor things that got blown out of proportion or no longer matter. In some cases, we don't even remember what caused the acrimony, we just know that something happened that changed the relationship.

Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive? Is there a family member who should be a part of your celebration but has been excluded? Do you need to make amends to someone? Is there a person you want to reach out to?

The holidays are a great time to heal old wounds. Regardless of what caused the separation or who was at fault, you can make a gesture that opens the door to reconciliation. Let go of the past and forget about blame. Offer a hand of unconditional love and forgiveness and see what happens. You have nothing to lose and may just regain a friend or family member.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/13/2016

Day 4 - Make a List

With the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it's easy to get overwhelmed with everything you have to get done. Buy gifts, grocery shop, decorate, wrap presents, service the car, attend parties, clean the house, cook the food - if you haven't started, you are already stressed. There is just so much to do and the holidays are rushing at you.

Here are a couple ideas that can help you get it all done with relatively little stress:

Make a List - Take 30 minutes today and make a list of everything you have to accomplish, regardless of how small and unimportant. Set a goal to complete something from the list every day. Do the little things during lunch or after work and save the big, time-consuming items for the weekend. You will be amazed how many items you can cross of in the next week.

Prioritize Your List - Break your list into "must do", "should do" and "If I have time." Focus your time based on these priorities and it will reduce your need to accomplish everything.

Delegate the Tasks - You don't have to do everything yourself. Consider what tasks you can delegate to your spouse, kids, or friends. Make preparing for the holidays a communal event that brings people together while relieving stress on you. Remember, delegating also includes letting go of how a task gets done. It may not be the way you would do it, but another way may be as good or better.

The holidays are a time to relax and spend time with your family and friends. Keep things simple and don't stress over the little things that don't get done. No one will remember the details, they'll remember how relaxed and loving the holiday was this year.