Life & Relationship Coaching Blog - Personal Advocates

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/15/2016

Day 6 - Give to Others

For most people, the holiday season is filled with blessings; gifts, food, family, warmth and shelter. But for some, the season is simply a reminder of everything they don't have. People where you live are struggling with poverty, addiction, mental illness, chronic unemployment and homelessness. They didn't chose their situation, it's the cards they were dealt.

While many people are stressed attempting to create their vision of a beautiful holiday, these unfortunate people are struggling to obtain the basic requirements we take for granted - food, shelter, clothing and a job that pays a living wage. Of course, we don't want to see them or believe they are people just like us. So we turn away and worry about our holiday feast.

I'm not trying to guilt you, just trying to put your holiday stress in perspective.

You can help these people in need. Donate time or money to a support network - food shelves, shelters, Toys for Tots, the Salvation Army, or any other charity that helps those in need. Not only will it help people in need, but it will help you remain grateful for all your blessings.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/14/2016

Day 5 - Forgiveness

The holidays are a time to share love and happiness with our friends and family. It is also a time to reconnect with people we haven't seen for a while. Sharing our love is one of the greatest joys of the holiday season.

The holidays are also a time to forgive those who have wronged us or given us reason to pull away from them. Sometimes these separations are caused by major incidents, but often they are over minor things that got blown out of proportion or no longer matter. In some cases, we don't even remember what caused the acrimony, we just know that something happened that changed the relationship.

Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive? Is there a family member who should be a part of your celebration but has been excluded? Do you need to make amends to someone? Is there a person you want to reach out to?

The holidays are a great time to heal old wounds. Regardless of what caused the separation or who was at fault, you can make a gesture that opens the door to reconciliation. Let go of the past and forget about blame. Offer a hand of unconditional love and forgiveness and see what happens. You have nothing to lose and may just regain a friend or family member.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/13/2016

Day 4 - Make a List

With the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it's easy to get overwhelmed with everything you have to get done. Buy gifts, grocery shop, decorate, wrap presents, service the car, attend parties, clean the house, cook the food - if you haven't started, you are already stressed. There is just so much to do and the holidays are rushing at you.

Here are a couple ideas that can help you get it all done with relatively little stress:

Make a List - Take 30 minutes today and make a list of everything you have to accomplish, regardless of how small and unimportant. Set a goal to complete something from the list every day. Do the little things during lunch or after work and save the big, time-consuming items for the weekend. You will be amazed how many items you can cross of in the next week.

Prioritize Your List - Break your list into "must do", "should do" and "If I have time." Focus your time based on these priorities and it will reduce your need to accomplish everything.

Delegate the Tasks - You don't have to do everything yourself. Consider what tasks you can delegate to your spouse, kids, or friends. Make preparing for the holidays a communal event that brings people together while relieving stress on you. Remember, delegating also includes letting go of how a task gets done. It may not be the way you would do it, but another way may be as good or better.

The holidays are a time to relax and spend time with your family and friends. Keep things simple and don't stress over the little things that don't get done. No one will remember the details, they'll remember how relaxed and loving the holiday was this year.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/12/2016

Day 3 - Stick to Your Budget

It happens every year. No matter what my holiday budget is, I spend more than I should. The perfect gift that costs a little more. That wonderful decoration that I just have to buy. The great sweater that I "need" for the office party. The impulse buy that seems like a good idea at the time. A little over budget here and a little more money there, and suddenly I'm 25% over budget.

I know I'm spending money I don't have, but it's the holidays, right? It will make me or someone I love happier. No problem. At least, until the bills come and I'm short of cash in January.

The problem is, I know what I'm doing in December and the consequences I will suffer in January. In the back of my mind I know I'm spending too much, but I do it anyway. I rationalize it by thinking everyone does it to some degree, but I still feel guilty. Regardless of how much money I have, I always spend a little more than I should during the holidays and it adds to my holiday stress level.

Unfortunately, spending the extra money really doesn't make the holidays any brighter. The people around me aren't happier because I'm wearing an expensive sweater, or have nicer décor in my home, or over-spent on their gift. They are happy because they are celebrating the holiday with me. It's not where we are together or what we eat or what they get from me, it's that we are connecting and spending time together.

This holiday season I'm setting a budget and sticking to it … or at least I'm going to try harder to stick to it. This year I won't have to stress over how much I'm spending or be afraid of the consequences in January. Who knows, I may even enjoy the holidays more.

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/9/2016

Day 2 - Avoid Perfection

We all do it. We try for the perfect tree, perfect gift, perfect table, perfect meal, perfect house, perfect party, perfect clothes … the perfect holiday. We obsess over every little detail and then stress out when something falls short of our expectations.

Why does it have to be perfect?

We believe that everyone is judging us and if it's perfect, they will think well of us. But if it's not perfect, they will think poorly of us. Even though they are our family and friends, we believe that our entire relationship will be defined by how well we perform on this holiday.

That's a lot of pressure and stress to put on ourselves, especially when we judge ourselves against professional designers, chefs, and merchandisers who have the skills, tools, experience and budgets to achieve amazing results.

This holiday season, try lowering the bar a little. Don't aim for perfection; aim for authentic and personal. Do the best you can and let go of perfection. No one is judging you but yourself. The important people in your life love you exactly as you are … even if you're not "perfect."

12 Days of Holiday Stress-Busters

12/8/2016

Day 1 - Remember the Holiday

During the holiday season, it's easy to get caught up in the parties, shopping, gifts, travel, and cooking. Unfortunately, all these things require additional time in your already busy schedule. There is so much to do and not enough time to do it, so we rush around like crazy people and get frustrated, crabby and stressed-out. In the process, we lose sight of what the holidays are truly about.

For most people, the holidays are focused around a religious observance or cultural celebration. For others, the holidays are special because of the time we share with family and friends. These connections are the true spirit of the holidays and everything else simply enhances that experience.

This year, make a decision to focus on the spirit of the holidays and choose what enhancements are important to you. What can you eliminate or scale back? Do you need to attend every party? Does it really have to be a 12-course meal? Does everyone need multiple presents? What happens if some of the decorations stay in the basement this year?

It's easy to get caught up in holiday traditions but eventually they can become overwhelming. Try simplifying your holidays by focusing on the spirit of the season, rather than the stress-inducing enhancements. It's a great way to experience a heart-felt holiday with a lot less stress.

Relationship Coaching in Minneapolis

10/7/2016

Are you considering Relationship Coaching in Minneapolis? If you live in the Minneapolis, MN area, Personal Advocates provides Relationship Coaching in Minneapolis; offering the tools and support you need to create a stronger, more meaningful relationship for you and your partner.

In order to have a stable and fulfilling relationship, you must have a solid and unbreakable foundation. Personal Advocates Relationship Coaching in Minneapolis can help you build that solid foundation.

To help you understand the importance of that foundation, let's use a house as a metaphor for relationships. The most important components of a house are the foundation, frame, and roof. This is similar to a relationship where, without these components, our structure lacks stability and offers no protection.

The Importance of a Solid Relationship Foundation
When building a home, the first and most important step a builder takes is constructing a foundation. It is formed by mixing Portland cement, aggregate, and water, and once cured, it forms is the base that everything else is built on. It has to be solid, without gaps or holes, and able to support the weight of the entire structure. So, how does this pertain to a relationship?

Relationships must also be built on a strong foundation. Instead of concrete, relationship foundations are build using honesty, trust, mutual respect and the willingness to put your partner's needs ahead of your own. As a Relationship Coach in Minneapolis, it is my job to ensure that these elements are mixed correctly to form a solid foundation for your relationship. If one ingredient is missing or there is not enough of it, the foundation becomes weak, brittle, and unable to bear the weight of the relationship. If your foundation is strong, the relationship can withstand and thrive during the challenges and hardships of the storms of life.

Framing Your Relationship
The frame of a home defines the size and shape of the structure and supports the roof. It defines what is allowed into the home and what is not. It holds the doors and windows through which the inhabitants view the world around them. The frame, supported by the foundation, makes your home a safe, sturdy structure. A strong frame protects your home from the wind. The frame is the design of your home and has endless possibilities. So how does this pertain to a relationship?

The frame is what makes a relationship strong. It shapes the relationship and defines how the world views it. The frame of your relationship is constructed of communication, decision-making, finance, parenting, faith and support systems. It is built with tools and often changes over time, from both internal and external forces. The frame of your relationship protects you and keeps you safe from the winds of change, like economic uncertainty, illness, depression, or the death of a loved one.

Sheltered By Love
The roof of a home keep its inhabitants warm and dry. It protects them from storms and provides shelter. It covers the frame and foundation; keeping them from deterioration. It can be made from a variety of materials, but it must be solid and free from defects to be effective.

Love is the roof of your relationship. It cannot exist without the foundation and frame, but if properly maintained, it can protect your relationship for a lifetime. But it requires maintenance to maintain its integrity. If neglected, it can develop leaks which will eventually destroy the entire structure. Relationship Coaching in Minneapolis can help you maintain your roof; ensuring its integrity and protecting your relationship from outside elements.

If you live in Minneapolis and are seeking Relationship Coaching in Minneapolis, I suggest that you ask two important questions when selecting a relationship coach:

1. Can the coach provide the tools necessary to build and maintain a strong and fulfilling relationship?

2. What does that coach believe are the most important components in building a lasting relationship?

If you are seeking a Relationship Coach in Minneapolis, please contact me, Michael Vennerstrom, by phone at 952‑893‑1293, or visit my website at www.personaladvocates.net for more information on how relationship coaching in Minneapolis can help you and your partner with your relationship.

Relationship Coaching: Managing Conflict

9/21/2016

As a Relationship Coach in Minnesota, I often see people struggling with conflict. This is not surprising, as anytime two people get together, there are bound to be points of disagreement. Unfortunately, when those people cohabitate or share emotional intimacy, the partners can't just walk away and conflict can easily escalate to a fight.

No one likes to fight in a relationship, but most people don't have the tools to deescalate and resolve conflict in a constructive manner.  That's where a Relationship Coach in Minnesota can help.

While conflict is not fun or easy to manage, it can and should be dealt with peacefully. Here are a few ideas that can help you manage and resolve conflict:

Follow the Golden Rule - The golden rule states "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." This is the most important rule in resolving conflict. If you are unwilling or unable to treat your partner with kindness and respect, your efforts to resolve the conflict will fail. there is no way to resolve conflict if one or both people are critical, contemptuous, avoidant, or defensive.

Focus on Current Issues - Bringing up the past rarely helps resolve a current disagreement.   Learn to focus on the current problems and address them one at a time.

Share Positive Feelings - It's tough to work on issues if you don't think the other person likes you. Avoid sharing only the negative stuff. Make sure the other person knows you care about them and why.

Focus on the Problem - The other person is not the problem, so avoid making them feel like they are. Work as a team against the problem, even if the other person did or did not do something that caused the problem. You can love the other person without loving their behavior. If only one person is wrong, both people lose.

Look for Acceptance and Agreement - Make sure your partner knows you want to learn and understand their point of view. If they feel accepted by you, your chances of reaching agreement are much better.

Accept Mutual Blame - It is impossible to argue alone. Anytime you are disagreeing or arguing with your partner, honestly ask yourself what your role in the disagreement is. You have a role in the argument and the sooner you can understand that your point of view is not the only viewpoint an not necessarily the right viewpoint, the sooner you will resolve the conflict.

Be Creative - There are many potential ways to resolve most disagreements. Team up with your partner to identify the solutions that work best for both of you.

Be Patient - It often takes time to find the best solution. If you try something and it doesn't seem to be working, try something new.

Any meaningful relationship will have conflict. It's human nature. Fortunately, you can learn the tools necessary to resolve those conflicts in a healthy and respectful way by using a Relationship Coach in Minnesota. If you can keep from escalating the conflict, avoid thinking in terms of winning and losing, and work together to find solutions, conflicts can actually strengthen your relationship instead of destroying it. Treat each other with love and respect and you will be amazed how quickly conflicts can be resolved.

If you or someone you know is struggling with conflict in a personal relationship, contact Personal Advocates to find a Relationship Coach in Minnesota for help.

Recovery Coaching

9/16/2016

If you’re battling against addiction in any of its forms, you may be wondering how you’re going to move forward and begin living a life as a recovering addict. My name is Coach Michael Vennerstrom and I offer recovery coaching in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota. I know from personal experience that if you are an alcoholic or addict, it can be difficult to maintain sobriety, especially because everyone responds to addiction recovery coaching differently.

For some people, the idea of attending a public meeting is too unsettling, others think they can battle their addiction on their own, and still others simply cannot imagine a life of without drugs and alcohol and have not yet realized their innate desire for a life free from their addiction. No matter which of these or other categories you might fall into, realize that recovery coaching in the Twin Cities is an option as you consider making changes that can provide a solid foundation for the rest of your life. With my help as an experienced addiction coach with Personal Advocates, you can receive the personalized coaching, attention, and support you need as you begin the process of turning your life around.

No matter how long you’ve been addicted and no matter what your addiction might be, if you think that you can defeat your addiction on willpower alone, your chances of recovery are limited. The most successful recovering addicts are the ones with a long-term support system in place. As a professional addiction recovery coach, I can help you identify and engage the support you need to recover from your addiction.

It’s important to realize that anybody can benefit from coaching; including addiction recovery coaching, relationship coaching, or life coaching for personal development. Coaching is intended to serve clients as a tool for living and shouldn’t replace professional medical or mental health care. Unlike therapy, which focuses on past events and traumas, coaching focuses on the here and now and seeks to take the person you are today and transform that person into someone who can live life at his or her fullest potential.

The ultimate goals of addiction recovery coaching will vary from person to person. Some people just want to live free of their addiction, others want support becoming comfortable with the tools necessary for long-term sobriety, and others simply want somebody trustworthy they can confide in and talk to for advice on moving forward free from addiction.

To learn more about taking the first step toward recovery coaching in the Twin Cities, or to schedule a complimentary first session with me, Coach Michael Vennerstrom, to see if recovery coaching is right for you, contact me today at PersonalAdvocates.net.

Mindfulness

8/11/2016

As a Life Coach in Minnesota, I often meet people who are stuck, either because of fear of the future or self-focused negative beliefs they learned in their past. Typically these fears and beliefs center around them not being good enough. As a result, they live their lives in fear of being exposed as not measuring up or being broken and unlovable.

Unfortunately, these negative beliefs permeate their lives and their thoughts constantly reflect their distorted view of themselves. Anytime they are outside their comfort zone or emotionally vulnerable, their thoughts automatically begin with phrases like, "I'm not …," "I can't ...," or "Yes, but …" These thoughts are self-limiting and result in the individual being unable to envision personal success or a life of happiness.

One way to reduce the impact of these negative patterns is by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness is defined by Psychology Today as:

"Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience."

How can mindfulness help? When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future. As a result, we give less power to our negative thought patterns and are able to act without paralyzing fear.

Of course, mindfulness is a skill that we have to practice. Few people are good at first, but with practice we get better. And, as we begin to move forward, our confidence grows and we are no longer controlled by fear. It takes time, but if we stick with it, we get unstuck.

If you are feeling stuck as the result of negative thought patterns, I encourage you to consider mindfulness. An internet search will provide you with a multitude of resources and methods for practicing mindfulness. Find the methodology that works for you and practice, practice, practice. I think you will be amazed at the results.